'I wonder if people think you took that baby.' Navigating Seattle as a biracial family

A lot of young people grow up thinking deeply about their racial identities.

But what if your family's identity is mixed? It can be complicated.

RadioActive's Gavin Muhlfelder tells his family's story.

[RadioActive Youth Media is KUOW’s radio journalism and audio storytelling program for young people. This story was entirely youth-produced, from the writing to the audio editing.]

I

’ll never forget reading "Born a Crime" by Trevor Noah in the fifth grade. To me, it was the first time I ever thought of race as a concept. Of course I had the occasional racist encounter, but those only made me feel either Black or white, never Black and white.

I have a mom, a dad, a twin brother named James, a little brother named Ben, and a dog named Oswald. My dad is white, my mom is Black, and my brothers and I are biracial.

When James and I were born, my parents had to navigate the difficulties of parenting twins. But they were also faced with another issue.

“I remember one discussion we had where Mama corrected me," my dad, Josh Mulfelder, remembered. "She said, 'Your kids are going to be Black.' And I said, 'No, no, no. They're biracial. Right? They're part white and they're part Black, and that makes them biracial.' And she said, 'Yes. But in many people's eyes, they will be considered Black.' And I kind of shook my head and said, 'OK,' and had yet another recognition that this was a world that was going to be very new to me.”

Even before I was born, my identity was already chosen for me. Seventeen years later, the struggle with my identity couldn’t be any more real.

Every day I look at myself in the mirror and I barely see any defining features of my parents, let alone the same skin tone. It was definitely a sore subject to me for a while. But I’ve always been interested in the difference between me and my twin brother James.

My mom, Amelia Gavin, recalls an early memory at a Whole Foods when James and I were 6 months old.

"My mom was with us because she was staying with us for a couple of months to help take care of the twins," my mom said. "And she said, 'Do you see the looks you're getting? I wonder if people think that you took that baby. That it isn't really yours.' And this shocked me. I mean, I know about institutional racism and microaggressions. But to actually have that intense an experience where people were looking at me like I didn't deserve or I shouldn't have this light skinned, mocha little baby boy.”

My twin brother James has a lighter complexion than me and presents more white. I wondered how these gaps in our appearances could correlate to our different experiences being mixed race.

James is described by my parents and the world around him as a down-to-earth and easy-going guy who loves video games and goldfish. He’s a music producer, an athlete, and older than me by one minute. When I look at my twin, I see one of my best friends. But I also see a disconnect: We don't have the same personal struggles with identity.

"You're treated 'more Black,' I suppose, by a lot of people compared to me because of your skin," James said. "Your skin is much darker than mine and your hair is curly."

But, James says, he connects with our biracial culture just by being himself.

"I know it sounds kind of cheesy," he said, "but considering I'm so much lighter than everyone else, I think I just have to let people know what my background is and embrace it and be proud that I am the son of a Black woman and the son of a white man."

I asked James if he ever feels disconnected from me, our mom and our little brother, Benny, because of the differences in our skin color.

"Sometimes," he said. "Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm just a friend around you and mom and Ben. Or that you're just the friend around me and dad."

I know what James means, and it seems like my entire family does as well. The constant staring and confusion we get from just existing is disheartening. But my family has found ways to thrive and become even closer under these circumstances.

"I'm always amazed at what you guys do," my mom said. "I have so much faith in you and confidence that you are going to be the man that God has chosen you to be, and your brother as well."

My dad said he hopes my brothers and I are given "a fair shake" throughout our lives.

"I hope that you guys are all given fair opportunities to pursue a career and a lifestyle that you like, that you want, that that fulfills you and makes you happy. And that you have opportunities to make an impact on this world."

Having these conversations with my family has opened the door to more follow-up conversations about race and the differences in my parent's backgrounds. It was surprising, yet thought-provoking, to hear how my family felt about our roots, and about my brother's feelings of alienation.

I asked James if he had anything else to say.

"I am very happy that you're my brother," he said. "And I'm very happy that we're both the way that we are."

I feel that way, too.

This story was produced in a RadioActive Youth Media introductory workshop for high school-age youth. Production assistance by Antonio Nevarez. Edited by Mike Davis. Prepared for the web and broadcast by Kelsey Kupferer.

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